I cannot count how many couples I've seen get married and divorce few years later. It's all over my Instagram and Facebook feed for some reason, and it gets annoying SUPER FAST. You're getting married! Congrats! Nobody cares, but best of luck ;)
Awww, you have a new baby? Good for you. Don't call and complain to me when you have to randomly get up in the middle of the night.
You bought a new house? Are you settling in, flexing or is it merely peer pressure? If everyone jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge, would you?
Thing is- it’s hard being an actor, especially in the beginning of your career. You go to your 9-5 job, come home and work on your acting, whether it’s a self-tape or applying to casting calls. On the weekend you try and spend time with your family, who keep telling you that you should quit acting because it doesn’t pay your rent. Family who keeps on asking "When are we gonna see you on television?" or "When are you gonna be famous?".
You know what? 9-5 jobs don't pay rent either, barely even, but nobody asks questions about you being an accountant or a receptionist. On top of that your husband or girlfriend complains that you don’t spend enough time with them, and you soon are heading to couples therapy. And this is why I’m single. Well, part of the reason.
It’s hard being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t know what you’re going through. Someone who doesn’t understand the excitement when you get to audition for one line in the next Hulu show. Your boyfriend/ girlfriend who's in construction work wouldn't understand why are you going away out of town for a short film that no one will ever see. The excitement of being on a set, the networking, playing make-believe is why you're doing this job. That’s why you need a tribe, a group of people who are just like you- who are trying to be constantly booked. Among this tribe you’ll most likely to find your special someone- a fellow actor who understands the business of acting, the struggles, the anxiety and euphoria when you get booked.
Here's a little backstory that I would love to share with my readers and friends. I used to be engaged TWICE before I turned 24. I was younger and dumber, and desperate. I was pretty young to commit to someone with whom I was supposed to share my ENTIRE LIFE with. With the first fiancé I was a control freak and I worked for both of us, while he sat on his ass all day, smoked weed and ate all of my food. I stayed with him, because I was extremely scared of ending up alone in Alaska (where there wasn't a lot of choices). Until I met my second fiancé with whom I cheated with. Skipping forward a few months, there I was- finally in a happy relationship. All of my family and friends were against him though. I didn't realise that they were being protective and I should've listened. If your mother doesn't like your new boyfriend- you should dump him immediately!
There were so many flags in the relationship. My fiancé knew my triggers that I tried to control, he shamed me for watching certain television shows, got me addicted to drugs and alcohol, was manipulative and very much controlled my every move. I couldn't even hang out with guys, only girls. He shamed me for having only guy friends, but I never got along with girls. Most of the girl friends that I had to deal with were jealous of me or fake.
Even after we got robbed for 98% of what we had, he still treated me the same. I couldn't escape the situation I was in and running away seemed like the only choice. Or murdering him. Anyone is capable of doing it. The choice is what separates this single decision. To this day I am pretty sure I was dealing with a sociopath.
Soon, the two of us moved to Charleston, SC which was completely on a whim. My fiancé gave me four days to pack everything and go, because he got a new job. I was working as a stand-in for "The Righteous Gemstones" at the time and was ecstatic every time I was on set for more than 12 hours. It was an incredible escape. I hid my misery, desperation and depression under a smile. I cried every time I left set, because it was the only place I felt safe in. Set felt like home, where everyone was respected, appreciated... Cast and crew became like a family, everyone on that set pretty much did. That's how you know the show or a movie is gonna be a big hit- where there is 0% toxic environment.
After six months there was a hurricane and I was kicked out of a small trailer that my fiancé and I lived in. Basically, he could live there, but I couldn't. He left me homeless and without a car. I still have no idea how I'm alive to this day. I believe I blocked memories out, because there was a lot of toxicity and somehow I managed to deal with all of that.
Nowadays, I can hang out with anyone, I can wear and eat whatever the hell I want and no one can tell me otherwise. I have learned to differentiate toxic people from good, kind ones.
Actors have very inconsistent schedules. One day you work 12+ hours on set, next one you’re on an availability check and sometimes you are gone for months at a time...in a different country. It’s hard to keep a relationship going. Spouses cheat and don’t get enough time with each other. What’s the point of having a relationship if you’re just starting out? There isn’t one. It’s easier to go on dates or hire a sex worker to fulfill that intimacy gap, and animalistic urges that all humans crave. As proven by scientists sex is one of the things that we gotta have for survival. The other things are food, water and shelter.
If you don’t have time to date and /or funds to hire an escort- find a friend with benefits. You can also ask them to be your reader once you get an audition. There's no shame in that.
Being single saves you from heartbreaks and messy divorces. Don’t worry- there’s another creative guru out there for you, who will be your perfect match. Everything good comes with time. :)